Herein contained is set down an excerpt from the memoirs of one Captain Alan Sloshbeard.  Which were in fact stolen by some dirty Scottish noble brat who immediately turned it in to the authorities leaving me high and dry with a fat reward over my head, and by me I mean not me at all because I’m not Sloshbeard. My name is Randulf Slosher I swear I am in no way pantsless or have I ever been a Pirate…now where were those pants.

Hello There Journal,

It was an odd day when I found myself pa...

Herein contained is set down an excerpt from my private journals…er I mean Captain Alan Sloshbeard’s private journals.  Which I stole...er Found! Not mine Cause I’m not him, and I never was…have been…um.  Yours, The Pantsless Non-Pirate.

Hello journal,

Today I found myself in a right mess, there were wenches and goats and lots of rum.  There I was in the Rotted Plank Tavern, just off the coast of who knows where, when this dainty tavern wench caught my eye.  I being a man of the c...

Yes, Yes, I am Christian I believe in Pope person. I never take part in witchcraft or eat cute little baby children. I start in small town that is in area you call Duchy of Moscovy, but I call Rus. I live by forest with Babka. She taught me all the brews and all the things to stir in pot to make medicine for all sickness. She is nice lady to me, but village think she eveil. They say she take children and put in pot; I never saw such thing, but there were often large sacks in back of shack tha...

The Pantsless Pirate has a not so secret, secret; He likes to sing.  Usually about two mariners trapped in the belly of a whale.  In fact for the longest time that was all he would sing about, The Mariner’s Revenge.  Somewhere along the line someone dubbed him the one song bard.  This being a terribly useless sort of thing our good old Pantsless Sea Rat began musing about what you should do with a Drunken Sailor.  Way hey and up she rises.  This only made him a two song Bard so the quest co...

Herein contained is set down a record of that wily fellow from the wanted posters named Captain Alan Sloshbeard, who I am not now nor in anyway have I ever been, the same as or related to in any fashion… indeed.  Yours, The Pantsless Pirate…Privateer…Merchant…right.

Hello journal,

I found myself on the run once more; that is of course assuming that those servants of the crown who gave chase were not simply phantoms of a mind besotted with strong drink.  I sought to seek sanctuary at...